Motherhood + Anxiety: When Your Village Doesn’t Exist.

When my oldest was around 14 months and I started thinking about getting pregnant again, the thought alone filled me with anxiety. I’d had a very hard pregnancy and I couldn’t imagine coping while also looking after a toddler. My friend told me, “Talie, you need to lower your expectations. And then lower them again.”  It was the advice that helped me put down the heavy bags of all those ‘shoulds’. 

Random toys in the fridge, finger stains on windows, mouldy pitta hidden at the back of cupboards, and piles of laundry and dirty dishes that just…never….end, is all normal. It’s part of everyday life with raising kids. 

As beautiful as motherhood is, it’s still overwhelming. Especially when you are lacking your village. 

There will be moments when you feel on top of the world and completely in control. And then, just an hour later, it can feel like the weight of the world suddenly landed on your shoulders.  There is too much to do, and you don’t know where to begin. 

The constant noise, the endless to-do lists, the pressure to be “on” all the time, and the guilt when you escape it all by doomscrolling.

Feeling overwhelmed means you’re carrying a lot. It means you are lacking your ‘village’. My kids are 12,10, and 7, and I am still waiting for my ‘village’ to show up!

I was brought up with the saying ‘don't air out your dirty laundry to the neighbours’. Well, I'm going to, because our neighbours also have dirty laundry.

Here are some of my ‘household secrets’ to make you feel better about yours:

• I’ve slept with two sinks full of dishes for several nights.

• There have been times when our rubbish bag sat by the door waiting to be taken out. Sometimes it was two bags…

• One year for Chanuka, I fed my kids doughnuts, pretzels, and shoko for dinner.

• This year, on the 8th night, my kids had ice cream for dinner with a side of an ice cream cone, sprinkles and maple syrup.

• I’ve shouted at my kids for literally just being kids.

• I’ve put my kids in timeout because I really needed one (and felt so, so guilty!).

• At the beginning of my pregnancy with my youngest, my kids emptied ALL their toys all over their bedroom. It stayed like that until I was about four months in.

• My kids have spent hourssssss watching absolute rubbish.

• Talking of airing out dirty laundry — my kids have all, at some point, taken a dirty school shirt out of the laundry basket when they didn’t have a clean one.

There is no such thing as a perfect mother. So just be a real one.

What’s my point? 

We all have ‘dirty laundry’ as mothers when it comes to our kids. I’m sharing mine with you as proof, and to make you feel better about yours ( and if it hasn’t made you feel better, I hope it has made you laugh a little!)

Lowering your expectations doesn’t mean lowering your love, your effort, or your value as a mother. It simply means letting go of the picture-perfect version of motherhood that no one is actually living.

It’s okay to not always feel in control. Motherhood isn’t meant to be handled perfectly 24/7. Sometimes the most powerful step you can take is simply to pause, breathe, and remind yourself: I’m doing my best, and that’s enough.